Isn't the world a fucked-up place most of the time......

I mean I have just went through the hardest week on my short but undeserved life, and yet I am still here, I don't really know how but I am still here none-the-less....

As everyone should know by now, I did just lose my Step-Dad and that was something that I was kinda ready for but not really, I mean how can anyone really be ready for the dearh of someone they really loved. The real problem was I didn't quite realize how hard his death would hit me until it was too late, so I have taken this really really hard... I have always prided myself on the strength to make it through anything, but this is the end, I have hit the limit, and I broke apart. For a while I thought that I couldn't cry, but I have cried enough in the past week or so ro make up for the past years of not crying.

So my life takes a huge jump, and I am giong to move to my Mom's and transfer schools and start anew in the place where I was born. And I am a different person when I am there anyway, I am happier overall. So I guess that this is a good move for me, and I know that Mom is going to really need me. For the funeral I was there and my sister drove from Texas to be there for Mom as well, so that helped alot.

But now onto Pete -- a man that taught me more than I ever knew and it took him leaving the world in order for me to fully understand. I don't want to insult anything about my real Dad, but he just wasn't there for soemthings, he thought the best way to be there for his family was to work and make sure we were provided for and had everything we needed. But there were somethings that only Pete was there for, hell he taught me how to drive. Not in the convectional way, I mean I was 12 and he put me behind the wheel of an 18-wheeler Peterbuilt, and by the end of that day I could drive. And when I was 5 he taught me how to peel and orange and how to drink out of a "big boy" cup. And he wasn't even my biological father, but he always treated me as his own kid, and that is special. I knew him better than his own kids, because they were too shallow to look at him and see the man that loved them all until the very end, he always wanted to see all of his kids and grandkids, so I am greatful that I knew the real man anyway. At the funeral I was the only person to speak other than the preacher, and I am glad that I did because of the Pete I knew as comparsion to what people saw. And it felt really good for me to do that, not to mention this past weekend people were telling me that they were 'enlightened' after I spoke, especially since I made everyone laugh, Twice even. Mostly because my theory is that as long as you can laugh you will be fine, so that meant that everyone there will be fine....one day, it just takes time to heal.

Which is what I think I need, just time to heal. And not to mention I need to get back into the supportive natural for a few people, they can help me get my strength back, and I really it, I just walk around feeling empty for now....

But only time will tell

That's all for play kids. . .

Steven R Fenton

Loving Son of Pete Emerick, I love you Pete and I always will